Today’s blog steams from a question I received from a
friend.
“So here is a question, friend of mine is on her weight loss journey too. She has a husband, now he is all for her losing weight but complains when it
" effects" him when she doesn't drink on the weekends, when she is
too tired for sex, when she doesn't cook the big weekend greasy breakfasts
anymore. He had the nerve to ask her to cut down on her workouts so she is not
so tired and he is not so neglected. She asked me for advice and all I just had
choice words so I figured I would bring it to others before getting back to
her. I am so thankful my husband is so supportive!!!”
Are the people closest to you supportive of your journey to
health? I feel very blessed that my husband is. Does he still eat a candy bar
here and there? Yes, he does. For me that is OK. He is not trying to sabotage
me and if he does bring unhealthy food into the house he keeps it in his office.
He doesn’t offer me the bad stuff and celebrates my accomplishments with me.
I do have people other than my spouse who are unsupportive.
The person who insists I must try the muffins they made. The person who
pouts because I won’t have dessert and a glass of wine with them or the person
who doesn’t seem to have time for me anymore because I don’t want to drink, or
sit around eating unhealthy things. The person who doesn’t say out loud,
that they think how I am doing things is wrong, but I can tell in the way we
never talk about my new way of life. I am changing my life for the better. No
one will derail me from the path I am on. Unfortunately that may mean
revaluating some family interactions and friendships too.
So here are a few things to think
about and apply to your life if you are dealing with non-supportive people in
your life.
Do It For You.
First things first - do not lose weight for someone else. There are
two types of non supportive spouses - one that develops insecurities because
their significant other is losing weight and one who constantly berates a
spouse because of their weight. Your wife or husband should not be
ashamed of you because you are overweight and they should not harass you about
the food you eat or the lack of exercise you do. That is abuse and no one
should put up with that. If you are at an unhealthy weight, definitely
make an attempt to get healthy, but honestly, your weight loss efforts should
not be all about looks, but more about health. Those who lose weight for
health tend to keep it off longer than those who take it off to look good in a
bikini. Although setting that type of goal is an excellent idea, there should
be more to it than that.
If you have the type of spouse who is constantly commenting that you need to
lose weight and you start on a weight loss regimen, make it very clear that you
are doing this for you and NOT for them. Make it clear that you will do
it your way and in your own time and that you do not need them to comment on
what you are eating or that your exercise is not good enough. Point out
that weight loss is not a one-sized-fits-all ambition, but that every person
has to do it their way.
A spouse that repeatedly says "You don't need to lose weight, you look
fine just like you are" is a bit harder to manage when you start a weight
loss program. Often, that type of spouse is insecure in the relationship
anyway and may have it in their heads that you may leave them when you get to
your goal weight. The only way to reassure this type of spouse is to
repeatedly comment on the health benefits of the plan. Comments like "Oh!
These jeans look much better on me now!" will not help in convincing them
that you are not doing this for looks. However, comments like
"Wow! I just walked around the block and I am not winded at
all!" will show them that your health is improving, as will visits to the
doctor with improved lab test results. Use those to reinforce that you
are doing this to spend more years with them and not to go find someone else.
Willpower - The Antidote to Sabotage
It is tough to realize that not everyone will support your weight loss
efforts, and that doesn't always mean your spouse. Many of our gatherings
with friends revolve around food. When we decide to get together, the
first question is "What are we going to eat?" I eat what I want, just smaller portions, and
am honest with myself when I log my food into my food diary. If I go over
at a gathering, I try to drink more water or do an extra workout to make up for
the extra calories.
So, my best advice if your spouse or friends are constantly pushing food or
drinks on you that you feel are not good, stand up for yourself, use your
willpower and just say no
Be Prepared for Jealousy
Do you have those people in your life that tell you “You look fine the way
you are” “Thicker is better” “Don’t get too skinny, that’s gross” If you hear
that from your friends, don't take it personally. Just smile and say
"Thank you, but I just need to get my body healthy". They may
just be feeling jealous that you are succeeding and they don’t know where to
start.
Find Support Elsewhere
If your spouse, friends or extended family are not supportive of your weight
loss, then find the support you need elsewhere. Refuse to discuss your
weight loss with those who are not supportive, and if it comes up, change the
subject to avoid an argument or a hit to your own self esteem. I have found a
few different support groups. I am part of a First place 4 Health bible study
at church. Meeting once a week with this group of people really keeps me
accountable. I also joined an online challenge group with my Beachbody coach. (I
will be starting one soon now that I am a coach, so if you would like more
information about it please let me know) I believe the challenge group has
saved my life. I have a group of people that I check in with everyday, the good
days and the bad days. We are there to support each other, and be a someone who
understands what we are all going through.
Support is absolutely necessary to be successful in a weight loss
journey. Not having it can make it difficult to stick with the
program. Honestly, the only way to work through it is to do it for
yourself and find the support where you can. You are your strongest ally
and if you are behind yourself, you will be successful.
Have a Happy Healthy Day!
